lunes, 23 de marzo de 2009

Universal Soldiers


Universal Soldiers, de Griff Furst.

No, no es una secuela direct-to-DVD de la espléndida Soldado Universal, de Jean-Claude Van Damme y Dolph Lundgren. No es ni siquiera un telefilm como lo fueron Soldado Universal 2: Hermanos de Armas y Soldado Universal 3: Desafío Final. No, aquellos dos títulos, pese a ser muy inferiores al original y a la propia continuación del mismo, Soldado Universal: El Retorno, eran dignos productos de acción de consumo rápido, pero esta basura es un bodrio de The Asylum, y casi una de las peores películas de la conocida productora (conocida por los que se divierten con la serie Z más cutre y arrastrada).

Universal Soldiers es un ejemplo de que con poco dinero y mucha cara dura puede llegar a hacerse una película y lo más complicado, venderla. El film, por llamarlo de alguna manera, copia descaradamente la idea de Soldado Universal y la pasa por Terminator, y se atreve a plagiar la banda sonora de Predator. Dado que no hay dinero suficiente, al guionista no le queda más remedio que rellenar el libreto a base de diálogos interminables y absurdos, hasta aburrir al más paciente. Los actores no tienen más remedio que discutir por tonterías una y otra vez, berrear como posesos y pasearse por el campo escondidos entre los arbustos. La película se resume en un par de líneas: unos soldados modificados causan el pánico en una base militar localizada en una isla perdida sin saber muy bien por qué, y los soldados y científicos restantes han de ir a la armería a conseguir armas para destruirlos. Y ya, porque no pasa nada más en todo el metraje, ya que las limitaciones no sólo son presupuestarias, sino que el guión es de una ineptitud acongojante, que se permite incluso giros argumentales inesperados.

Es de un absurdo que asusta, en parte porque ya tienen armas, y porque no sabemos quién sería el anormal que diseñó las instalaciones y colocó la armería a kilómetros de la base principal. Acojonante, oigan... Toda la película es un ir y venir de los chillones actores, a los que ya hemos visto en otras tantas producciones casposas de la no menos casposa productora. ¿FX? No hay, y el director del engendro no tiene más remedio que marear al espectador con una cámara epiléptica para que nada se vea con claridad. Toda una hazaña es la labor de los montadores, que se las arreglan para que de vez en cuando veamos algún soldado saltando (perdón, haciendo que salta), para que nunca veamos un arma disparar y para saturarnos con primeros planos a mansalva. El final es tremebundo, con robot a lo terminator incluído, pero en versión digital hiper-cutre.

Llega a tal punto el bajísimo nivel de producción del film que, dado que ni siquiera hay para decorados y todo está rodado en exteriores, en bastantes momentos los diálogos entre los actores se ensordecen con el ruído del viento. Una cosa alucinante. Y atención a la escena final, en la que ni siquiera vemos a los superiores del único superviviente, sino un par de manos, un ordenador doméstico y un escritorio que seguramente sería el de la casa del director.

De todos modos, es digna de adoración la osadía de esta gente, que fabrica y vende películas con FX (o lo que sea) y las publicita como si fueran el no va más.

Universal Soldiers es aún peor que Alien Vs. Hunter, y a buen entendedor devorador de serie Z...

Un cero.

31 comentarios:

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wenas pablo! como siempre tus criticas me encantan y casi siempre estoy de acuerdo contigo. Soy el director de la saga psychophobia (hiciste una critica a mi peli aqui, muchas gracias!!) te comento:
esta en postproducion mi siguiente proyecto: bloody mirrors. Es un homenaje a todas las peliculas de terror frances que nos estan invadiendo con un toque a lo candyman. Puedes ver el trailer y el poster oficial en mi pagina tio. Si quieres promocionarlo y demas si kiers eh!.

www.vicentfilms.blogspot.com
mi mail es ciudadser19@hotmail.com por si te quieres poner en contacto conmig tio, sigue asi tio eres grande!

Peibolster dijo...

Me alegro q te guste mi blog, y espero con ansias tu proyecto pues Psicophobia 2 me gustó bastante, y de echo ahí sigue en mi colección personal. Muchas gracias por todo.

Un saludo enorme.

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si tio lo siguo casi siempre me gustan tus criticas la verdad. Este nuevo proyecto cuenta con el apoyo de un compositor llamado javier garciay juan que es el montador junto a mi. La verdad que no hay punto de ocmparacion con psycho 2 la verdad. Esteticamente es brillante, es muy muy intensa y divertida. Espero que con 35 minutos te impacte lo suficiente, gracias amigo

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